Thoughts at 1:43pm

I scanned through my old slumbookΒ and I was laughing hard while reading the contents. Really, being a highschooler was fun and was full of “kakornihan” esp. when it comes to “love”. Shaks. The memories were still vivid in my mind and I can say that I was really hopeless (up until now I guess?) back then, and all I know was do things for my crush to notice me. Hahaha. How pitiful, eh?

I was smiling too while reading the “message to the owner” part. It was touching, though I was smirking ’cause uh… I didn’t know and I can’t believe they wrote things like that.

Some said that they are thankful for the friendship, and some said they are sorry for everything. Some also said that I can count on them if I have problems and they can always lend a hand if I need one. They also said that I should not change and just stay the same.

Some said that they will never ever forget about me.

I just wonder… do they still remember the things they wrote down in that slum note few years ago? Do they still remember that they said they’d be a friend for me? That I can always tap their shoulders and ask for help anytime? Do they? It’s funny how they said it simply. Did they mean it? Were those words sincere? If it was, how come we all grew up apart without keeping in touch?

How come I’m the only one remembering now?

Somehow, I find it unfair and disappointing to the both side — theirs and mine. Those people who wrote in my slumbook, did they consider me as a real friend? Did we really became friends? Did I consider them as MY friends?

Maybe yes, in that moment only. But it’s sad to think that some feelings are really just temporary, and some friendships and relationships are made just for the sake of what you have in that time.

I guess what you feel today might not be the same as to what you’ll be feeling tomorrow. And the people who you will call friends can become just an acquaintance as time passes. Or… Maybe I lacked effort too and didn’t give my best in communicating them, or in asking them how they are. Maybe somehow, even though I didn’t want to, I changed. I became a person that they weren’t expecting me to become. However, I’m grateful to have those people who stick with me until now.

The time, plus the challenges you faced and will be facing, will really filter the people who will be there for you no matter what. I know I only have a few of them, but I’m blessed enough to have some people who are close in my heart then and now. :)