I’m just trying to encourage myself thru this post, but this could be a help for someone too, maybe?

Sabi nila, mahirap itigil ang kinagawian na at masanay na wala a ito. But what if you really need to stop that old habits? It’s just like if you break up with your partner for years. You suddenly cut the connections, which you’re not used to because everyday kayong magkachat/text/usap before, but now you need to resist kahit na gustong gusto mo siyang kontakin uli. Or yung friend mo na palagi mong napupuntahan, nasasabihan, natatapik when you needed someone, however now hindi na masyado kasi you’re both busy. Or kapag nagsarado ang favorite coffee shop / restaurant na lagi mong pinupuntahan every after school/office or before going home. Even if it’s already closed, sometimes you find yourself walking on that street or driving towards that direction. Gano’n kasi ang kinasanayan mo. Applicable rin sa suot mong singing for years na nawala bigla. You feel that it is still there when in fact, wala naman na talaga. Just like i said, nasanay ka kasi e.

Mahirap masanay uli na hindi na gano’n ang nangyayari. It’s like, you’re back to zero, nangangapa ka. Parang hindi mo alam kung paano ka magsisimula, or paano mo sasanayin ang sarili mong wala na yung nakaugalian mo.

Mahirap din if you’re always at the top, then suddenly you’re crawling for survival. Hirap no’n, shet. Parang how come you’re at this point when you were soaring high at the beginning? Well, I think this is the unseen fact: ‘di mo napansin na nahirapan ka rin noong una before you reached the top. Maybe naging madali lang sa’yo na umakyat noon, siguro for the reason na gusto mo yung ginagawa mo kaya hindi mo napapansin na nahihirapan ka, or natural na madali kang matuto. Pero kung accurate yung pangalawa kong sinabi how come na hindi mo kayang gawin ngayon?

Heh, contradictory yata itong mga pinagsasabi ko. Pero ayun nga, kung nagawa mo dati, how come na hindi mo magawa-gawa ngayon? I think malaki talaga ang factor nung ginagawa m yung gusto mo, at hindi mo lang ginugusto yung ginagawa mo.

Or maybe, may process kasi. Uhm, I’d consider this more kaysa sa fact na maas napapadali kapag ang ginagawa mo is yung gusto mo. Maybe kasama sa process yung sobrang mahihirapan ka to the point na you’ll think of stopping it na lang kasi akala mo walang nangyayari. Wala kang nakikitang assurance sa halos lahat ng ginagawa mo. So, doubt will kick in and it will eat you up. You’ll be asking questions to yourself like, “tama pa ba?”, “worth it pa ba ang lahat?”, “itutuloy ko pa ba?”, “paano kung hindi naman pala ito yung dapat na ginagawa ko?” and a bunch of what if’s in your mind.

Tapos, wala pa ring makakasagot kaya lalo kang maloloka. You’d gone crazy sa mga thoughts mo. Overthinking will knock you out. Depression will come next. And ayun, ‘di ka na functional. See? Ang unhealthy ano? But yeah, it’s a process.

I’d like to say that there are no easy things in life, and it’s only hard at first. In time, when you successfully gone through that “process”, magiging madali na ang lahat para sa’yo. There will be doubts, yeah, but minimal na lang, especially when you have faith. Sabi nga ng isang friend:

“Faith is the assurance of things not seen.”

Hindi mo kakayanin ‘yang process kung wala si Lord. I am always forgetting na may ginagawa pala ang Lord. Hindi mo man nakikita pa, pero may ginagawa Siya. He’s putting us in downing situations to make us stronger. Lalo na yung faith natin sa Kanya. It’s also a way to remind us na we need Him. And kung ano man ang pinagdadaanan natin, nandito tayo kasi may purpose Siya.

He is still sovereign, and is still good, after all.




I feel sad tonight.
I just watched a good video about dads on youtube and thought of you. How are you there? Are you alright? Sorry for not visiting you and lola’s place very often. I miss you now the most.
I feel so empty. The work’s getting harder and harder, but I just entered the real world, I know. Now I also know how hard it is to earn a living. But I still wished you saw how happy I was when I got my first paycheck. It would really be very nice if I had the chance to treat you a dine out, anywhere and anything you want. You and mommy, with mama, and uh, the whole fam. okay.
Anyway, speaking of mommy. She’s getting finer, but she look a bit older than before. Her body is hetting smaller, her hair is showing more white hairs, and her skin are becoming rough due to aging. I thought I could see you both like that. I pictured the both of you sitting on your rocking chairs, and peacefully watching the sunset, or happily sharing stories you each experienced when you were younger. It would be perfect, right? But yeah, destiny is sometimes surprising, you’d never know what could happen later to one’s life.
Anyway, I don’t like what I’m feeling since the past few days. I’m bothered by something I shouldn’t even entertain in the first place. But again, how do you tell yourself what to feel, right?
Hays. I wish you’re here to slap me with your words or slap me literally to stop feeling like a girl. Lol joke. I know you won’t hurt me.
I’ll just see you again in my sleep, Daddy.
I love you always.
You are missed every day.


Change will come your way, but be aware


As we grow old, we will notice some changes not just in our physical appearance, but also in terms of our emotional, psychological, and social aspects of life. There will be times that you will feel and think about everything at once, or nothing at all — like minding even the smallest matter and nonsense happenings, or just feeling numb over an important one. Eventually, you will notice these things slowly and later understand that it’s a part of the process of being a grown up.

However, there are chances that we won’t fully understand why some changes has to happen — even if we already knew that it’s for our benefit (well, it should be for the better, though). It’s just that some are hard to accept, and sad to realize. Especially when it comes in the aspect of our social life.

The relationship among our family, friends, and ourselves will be affected by these changes.

Because we’re in the process of adulting and our priorities, mindset, and beliefs are changing, we now take things more seriously. Ignorance are being replaced by awareness and familiarity, causing us to be wise about our every actions and be confident in the results; Decisions are being deeply thought-out, trusting and depending to others are being cloudy, and time is becoming more than a gold. This means that we only consume time for productivity, and also means that activities that doesn’t relate, benefit, and make us happy is in the lower list.

We will then find out that the chances to be with the people we were always with before is dropping, which might lead to losing them, one by one.

It’s okay though, it’s a good thing to be clever and allot more time to the things that we can gain at. But keep this in mind: people are changing too, and it’s not always a hundred percent assurance that they will still be there in the corner where we left them. They also need to move forward just like us, anyway. We’re only fortunate if we are all going in the same direction.

Because we’re changing, we’re becoming busy living the way we want, and only focusing on the things we aim. Hence, we often forget to spend time with our family and friends — even a “me” time, which is really important, is being neglected. We overlook that time is very valuable, and once it has passed, we can no longer go back to have it.

Thus, as much as possible, we must spare some of it, even a little time will do, to the activities that can improve not just ourselves, but also our relationship with the people around us.

Change is inevitable, that is a fact, and it can be caused by many factors. We just have to make sure that we’re changing for the best.

Currently: Entry 2


Hooray for Weekends! Hello! So here I am, blogging again about my currently entry numbeeeer two! I have time to use Eys now because it’s weekend and I don’t have work. I think that’s one of the things I like about the company that I am working at, aside from the kind people, good trainers, nice ambiance, and advanced technology! I’m still a trainee tho,  I started last July 3. Hehe. I also can’t believe that I already spent a week in the office with some new people! Hooray! I survived the first week!

Uhm, I sometimes miss my college classmates, and subconsciously wishing that they’re the ones I am with. Hehe. But yeah, new people means new experiences & lessons, and that kinda excites me.

So anyway, I am here to blog my currently/ies (lol) so let’s start with what I’m…


Well, currently, sad to say, there’s none. But I am planning to read a book that a friend gave me as a compensation for a book cover I made for her. And yes, I still haven’t finished the first book I started last week. No time. Huhu


None, aside from this post.


The sound of the AC, and the keyboard. I miss the room and the time I was able to be in here the whole day, just typing my stories or whatsoever kechenelynhan.


Again, nothing. However, I want to watch a horror movie in my HD, but sleeping seems better so I’ll sleep after I post this entry. Hahaha.


What to do tomorrow, but I remember that a classmate would be here and she’s going for a sleepover because she’s going with me on Monday in the company. I’ll try to refer her to the HR for the same position as I am. Hehe. I hope she’ll pass the exam though.


To finish the sketch / book that my friend and I planned to do before August come. But I doubt that I’ll come to draw the 1st illus completely. I’m barely moving with the plan huhu. But yeah, I’m hoping.


To be organized. A notebook for listing the things I should do first and for managing my time. Since I am working now, I have less time to think more about things I should be doing. I sleep immediately when I get home, and weekend is all I have to do task filtering.


To sleep already and take a rest. Haha. I also want to see my college friends. Really misses them a lot. I hope we could bond like before. I really want to see and be with them again. :(


I guess, sleepy? Though I feel a little bit bored and I don’t think I can sleep that fast.

That’s it. Seeing the picture that I use as a banner of this post (it’s me and my co-trainees), makes me miss my college friends more. Huhu. Are they missing me too? :(

By the way,  I also watched our AVPs and Short films in lunch time while eating and my urge to produce a short film awakens. Aaaaah I badly want to do Lucia, a Psychological Thriller story that I plan to continue writing, which my college friends and I originally created when we were still determined to do a short film before. But due to schedules and reasons, we’re not able to do it. I hope that one day, if time permits us to make it, I will be really, really happy.



Currently: Entry 1

currently chenelyn 1

I’m really not much into this “type” of blogging, but for the sake of updating this blog (how shame huhu, but really, I also want to share here things I am thinking / doing so…), let me just try this. Maybe I’ll be doing this frequently or if I have time, even weekdays too, so I didn’t make it like the usual “Saturday/Sunday Currently” that you see in other blogs. So, hello. Let’s start, I guess?


After months of being away from my bookshelf, I’m happy to found time to read again last week, and now currently reading “The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight” and “We Belong” (for editing) at the same time.  The first title of the book has been stored in my eBook reader for almost a year now, and since I need something to kill the time last week while processing my requirements for work, I decided to read it. As of now, I’m on chapter 2 and I’m looking forward to finish it next week.


Well, obviously this blog post? Haha. Currently (re)writing also We Belong. And… nothing follows. lol.


to my niece and nephews reaction to a movie that’s in the television.


Dawn of the Dead. Another zombie movie that really doesn’t thrill me. Seryoso, gusto ko na patayin yung TV kaso mga pamangkin ko, nakatutok. lol.


About how should I spend this day wisely, what should I do that is productive, what else I am going to put on this blog, and many things regarding about my relationship status with my friends, etc. etc.


For the better future. Hahaha. Kidding. Well now, I’m currently hoping for everything to go smoothly according to what’s planned. I’ll be entering new world now, as an employee, and I’m scared for what might come. Hahaha. I’m always a shitty, scaredy, introvert person, and yeah, I’m hoping to change for the better.


More time, and much more time to do my personal matters that surely I won’t be able to do for the following days, because I know I’m going to be busy at work. (and that thought makes me happy, no to bum life anymore!)


To see and talk to a friend. Really misses her a lot.


A little bit of lazy today, but more excited for Monday! Aaaah, I already feel the butterflies that has been stucked here for ages. Hehehe.

So there, I think that’s all? What a bore right? Lol. Maybe later I’ll watch a movie again, or a tutorial in Adobe Illustrator. Honestly, I learned how to use that software on the day of the technical examination itself for the position I am applying. I am amazed by myself. lol. Well, they have the same feature as Adobe Photoshop so that what makes it easier for me to explore the workspace.

So again, I guess I’ll be back some other time. Ciao Worpy!

… and hey! It’ July 1st! ♥


Rizza Maruja


Thoughts at 1:43pm

I scanned through my old slumbook and I was laughing hard while reading the contents. Really, being a highschooler was fun and was full of “kakornihan” esp. when it comes to “love”. Shaks. The memories were still vivid in my mind and I can say that I was really hopeless (up until now I guess?) back then, and all I know was do things for my crush to notice me. Hahaha. How pitiful, eh?

I was smiling too while reading the “message to the owner” part. It was touching, though I was smirking ’cause uh… I didn’t know and I can’t believe they wrote things like that.

Some said that they are thankful for the friendship, and some said they are sorry for everything. Some also said that I can count on them if I have problems and they can always lend a hand if I need one. They also said that I should not change and just stay the same.

Some said that they will never ever forget about me.

I just wonder… do they still remember the things they wrote down in that slum note few years ago? Do they still remember that they said they’d be a friend for me? That I can always tap their shoulders and ask for help anytime? Do they? It’s funny how they said it simply. Did they mean it? Were those words sincere? If it was, how come we all grew up apart without keeping in touch?

How come I’m the only one remembering now?

Somehow, I find it unfair and disappointing to the both side — theirs and mine. Those people who wrote in my slumbook, did they consider me as a real friend? Did we really became friends? Did I consider them as MY friends?

Maybe yes, in that moment only. But it’s sad to think that some feelings are really just temporary, and some friendships and relationships are made just for the sake of what you have in that time.

I guess what you feel today might not be the same as to what you’ll be feeling tomorrow. And the people who you will call friends can become just an acquaintance as time passes. Or… Maybe I lacked effort too and didn’t give my best in communicating them, or in asking them how they are. Maybe somehow, even though I didn’t want to, I changed. I became a person that they weren’t expecting me to become. However, I’m grateful to have those people who stick with me until now.

The time, plus the challenges you faced and will be facing, will really filter the people who will be there for you no matter what. I know I only have a few of them, but I’m blessed enough to have some people who are close in my heart then and now. :)

What must I say?

Months had passed and I’m still trying to think of what I should put here in my blog. I admit that I don’t have enough inspiration to write or enough motivation to create some masterpieces to share here and yeah I just feel like floating every day — aside from being busy in school (and hooray! There are only few days left before graduation!).

Truthfully speaking, I think I already forgot how to write and put my feelings into words. There were nights that I really wanted to finish a chapter or an essay — a poem at least, but I always ended up staring the monitor for hours. I feel disappointed and frustrated that I have many pending works in my folder. I’m thinking maybe reality are slowly kicking in, and I am gradually entering the real world — which means no more day dreaming and childish stuff – whatsoever.

Well, many things happened and many things have changed in terms of my lifestyle, perception in life, and sensitivity to the people around me — and I still don’t know if it’s for the better… or worse.

As I type this, I am thinking the down moments I had last year. The most “painful” month for me was approaching soon and I am grateful to say that I was able to recover quickly. My broken heart was healed faster than I expected. Though there are still some times that I remember every painful things I experienced, but managed to overcome with the help of my friends and family — good bye to a broken heart and an unclear mind!

These past few months weren’t easy too, though. My bags under my eyes became luggage due to the making of our thesis. It was a hell week for us. We weren’t able to have a normal sleep during those moments and we considered ourselves lucky if we can have at least an hour of nap. And yes friends, thesis can destroy friendship! But since we’re close enough to talk about issues, we managed to finish it still friends. He he he.

I can’t make a list of all what happened but this one thing made me bothered big time:

A friend confessed his feelings to me.

At first, I thought it was only a joke (because I am used to him being the joker of the class) and I was confidently riding it without any meaning. So when the day came that he said he really have a feeling for me, that was when I became bothered. I said it was fine for me that he has feelings and agreed to act cool about it and stay friends for now, but honestly, it wasn’t easy to be around him for days. I can feel the awkwardness and discomfort between the two of us and I’m not used to that. Tho I can see that he’s trying to talk to me about that matter but still, I feel anxious. But yeah, every thing could be settled in a sensible talk and conversation so we’re okay now… as friends. Honestly, I was willing to entertain him (if he’s really gonna woo me) and was hoping for something to bloom but then I realized, I am not yet ready for another love and deep relationship. My family and career is my focus for now.

Anyways, my favorite moment so far is our Sakbay and Toga pictorial. We had our official Sakbay pictorial last March 16 and last week was our not-so-official-coz-we-just-set-up-a-studio Toga pictorial in a classmate’s house. Happiness is all over me because I can finally sense the success!!! Kidding. But uhuh, the pictures always put a smile on my face whenever I see them in my laptop just waiting for the right time to upload. Hihihi.

And oh! Of course! My favorite too was that I got the chance to visit Puerto Princesa, Palawan last February with my co-school publication staffers and editors for the 16th Luzonwide Press Conference! Tho I wasn’t able to win the the category I joined, still, I’m happy to finally get to ride an airplane! It was a wonderful experience for me! Yay!

I am excited too for the grad ball and the graduation day! I am excited for the dresses I will be wearing, for the pictures I will be taking, for the food that I will be eating, and for the moments that I will be creating and capturing with my friends inside and outside the school.

And of course, I am excited for the road I will be taking after graduation. :)

Faith. Hope. Love.

April 2016 has been the most painful month for me. And it was like a whole month of jokes, hoping one day — or at least on its last day — I will wake up and realize that all of what happened was only a dream. But it wasn’t.

I want to claim and declare that it is the most painful month because I do not want to experience it again in the future. Now I know why other people say that they are afraid to be happy, for one day, it will be replaced by pain, and not just sadness.

Actually, there are two kinds of pain that I have felt (and still feeling, I guess): The pain with sadness, and the pain with grudge.

As much as possible, I am trying to put away the latter. I don’t want to hold a grudge over someone because I know, in time, I will be the one who will suffer for doing so.

But here’s the thing why I am writing this: I have lost two men in my life.

One was the man who loved me and didn’t forget to remind me how valuable I am, but I was not able to show how I love him and appreciate all of the things he did for me; and one was the man who I loved deeply and gave so much time, but was not able to treasure my worth.

I am really sad that I only realized their difference when they’re both gone in my life, physically and mentally —  Physically, because daddy’s body is now gone, but his memories and presence will always stay in our hearts. Mentally, because N’s still there, somewhere, doing his things, not remembering me and all the things we’ve shared together… but his presence is now absent.

Did you now get what I mean?

There are no nights that I wanted to cry but couldn’t because I feel so empty… like there are so many pieces of myself that are missing and my heart and emotions are dead and numb. Though I miss daddy (I know mommy misses him so much too and we are all missing him so much), but when I look at his picture it’s like he’s still here. Sighs. And I still miss and think of N, but they say I shouldn’t because he’s not worthy of my time and emotions anymore. Sighs again.

Now it’s funny how I think that I am truly strong, because I have endured the pain and bear all the heartaches of losing people. The worse part of that was, I (almost) lost my self too because of that. Lucky, I didn’t.

As I have said in one of my post in my Tumblog,

“One of the saddest things that’s ever gonna happen to you, is to lose yourself along the way while searching for someone.”

We must all bear in our minds that nobody will ever gonna make you whole and complete except for yourself. I think people can only help you, but not gonna make you.

I’m now wishing and praying for acceptance, forgiveness, and motivation to trust people again. As a daily reminder, I keep on reading the phrase that I have written as a note to self, a year ago.

“I want you to be strong enough to move on, and to open your heart for another love.”

But as much as possible… be strong enough to accept and forgive, and to open your heart for trusting people again. 



Summer escapade!

IMG_2973Today is Good Friday, but wala pa namang 3pm, so I will blog first. Hello, Summer na! (tho we still have so many things to do for school requirements, but let us set aside that first). Hehehe. How are you, worpy? It’s been a while, again. Sorry for not updating, I am always busy. But now that I have updated my blog’s appearance, excitement kicked in! I just love the header and the simplicity of the theme (i’m surprised how this website improved in terms of many ways), but anyways, let me start the story.

Last Monday, March 21, our company where we are having our on the job training invited us for their outing. We were originally 18 trainees, but only 8 were luckily allowed by their parents to go for a 3-day outing in Zambales. IMG_2881IMG_2898Boarded by an L300 Van, my classmates and I had a long trip (for about 7 hours) from Rizal to Zambales. Our vans (2 l300 and 2 family van) left Taytay at 4am and we reached Zambales at around 11 in the morning. We waited for about 2 hours before going to Bacala Guest House and had lunch at my boss’ wife’s cousin’s house. To be honest, we didn’t have any idea where we are going that time. My classmates and I thought that we were only going to swim to the nearby beach na may mga aplaya pa nga. HahahaIMG_2901It was my first time to ride on a boat that will cross the sea to go to an island. I was so nervous, hahaha how nerveless I was that time.IMG_2911l-r, b-f. Runa, Paul, Jerome, Steve, Gracia, Nica, Kuya Jhen and Me.IMG_2922It feels so good especially that the waves are strong enough to touch the tip our toes while the boat smoothly traversing the blue salt-water.

credits to Paul for this picture

After 10 minutes or so, we arrived at the admirable Bacala Guest House of Masinloc, Zambales.IMG_2927IMG_2950IMG_2958It was an isolated Island. You are literally surrounded by the salt-water, there’s even no bathroom! Now we know how it feels to be castaway survivors. Hahaha! I won’t forget that here in this place, I lost the ring my mother gave me while… uhm, basta. I can’t tell. It’s too embarassing. Hahaha. Huhu. IMG_2961It was my first time too to see a sea urchin this close. I was scared because it was moving!IMG_3083And the starfish with es were so big! We got the chance to take some for photography  purposes only. They were scattered everywhere!IMG_2970and of course, I saw a crab! I was so happy because it was so little. And it has eggs too but unfortunately, it died. :(IMG_2964IMG_3048When in the beach and you’re with friends, of course you will have this kind of moments. Hehehe. Even tho we’re not complete, I think we enjoyed staying here :)IMG_3002But uhm, I’m kind of jealous with this couple. Hahaha They made me wish Nega was there too. </3IMG_3008Me and Runa! Hi, Anne Bernadette we’re going to kill you with jealousy. Haha jk. Wish you were there too (and holding a Patrick)!

We slept there and we’re in a tent inside the house! Hehe. I don’t have pictures but it was… okay.  The next day, we went back to the house of my boss’ wife’s cousin and got ready for the next adventure!IMG_3196IMG_3219IMG_3223IMG_3200After an hour of waitiiing~ it’s beach time! It was my second to go on a beach! Hehehe. The last was with my family in Batangas. And yes, I’ve waited for sunset. AGAIN.IMG_3206Since he’s not there with me, the sand became the proxy. Heehee.

IMG_3260Anyways, I also had the chance to go coral viewing! (not totally snorkeling cause we only had goggles hahaha) but it was an awesome experience! Kahit nagkanda sugat sugat ako. HeeheeIMG_3256Oh, hi there Gracia. We were the only two who went for coral viewing. :3IMG_3269And my most awaited part of the day! Tenenenentenen! Sunset. I only took few shots because we’re in a boat and was afraid to lose balance (and drop my camera), but it was breathtaking! This pic was my favorite. ♥

I was glad that I got the chance to experience once again the salt-water “therapy”. It’s true that when you have so many things that are going on your mind, you need to pray first of course, and meditate to let the bad thoughts out. Glad I did. Or maybe the Lord don’t want me to worry so much about some matter that I left at home and He actually took away all the negative thoughts thru the sea. Hay. He’s really there with me.

“You need to keep moving on, darling, or you’ll miss the train to bigger things in life than this.”

quote to start my 2016.

I know it’s late for a greeting, but I would like to greet y’all a Happy New Year! This post is a rant for my 2015. Mehehe.

2015 was kinda a “hell-kind” of year for me. There came too many problems (in school, at home, etc.) that I was to blame too for being too pushy and frank and brave, also for having a high pride. Those (problems) caused me stress (more like depression) to the point that I want to end things already. Even my life. But who am I to end this? This is not mine.

I thought I was strong after all the things that has happened, not until some harder situations came, then I knew that I’m still weak. But good thing, there are still some people who stood still beside me and gave some advises, especially my family, and the Lord who keep on sending signals — telling me to just hold on and be still and keep my faith.

I know things got more complicated, but this time… I’ll be ready for what will happen. There comes a saying that it all happened for a reason. So, we should just have to accept it. No regrets. Move on and Let go.

Heh, this is so embarrassing. But I just to share these thoughts here.

I should end this post, I  hope everyone would have a prosperous 2016 and remember that the Lord God loves us all.