The wall that can’t be seen, but felt.


I don’t know why I’m writing this, and emotionally sad while writing this. But there’s this feeling that says I should write everything in my mind, so here it is.

Sigh.

To the person that I will forever cherish,

I know I should be happy for you, because finally (not sooner, but possibly soon), there will be a person who will reciprocate your effort and feelings. A person who will take care of you, who will hold your hand anytime, and who will, for the first time,  save you from your nightmares and frustrations — all of these which I can not do.

I wanted to say I’m sorry for not being able to return everything that you gave; for not taking the same steps that you took; for not looking at your direction. I wanted to say I’m sorry, for not holding your hands when you needed warmth, for not hugging you tight when I had the chance, and for not saying things that will lessen your burden.

I wanted to say I’m sorry, for taking things for granted — for taking you for granted — and for not realizing sooner what’s behind your every actions and comforting words.

I wanted to say I’m sorry, for taking much of your time, and because of that, you had less for yourself.

And I’m sorry, for feeling selfish right now.

I know soon, you’ll have someone aside from me. And as your dear friend, my role is to be happy for you, but now… I can’t help but to feel so sad upon hearing and reading your happy thoughts regarding that matter. I am asking myself why. Was it the fact that sooner, I’ll be forgotten again? Or the fact the sooner, I won’t be needed by you anymore?

Or maybe I was just saddened by the thought that you and me won’t have the time, moment, and chances like we had before?

I don’t know.

I’m not sure why.

But regardless of whatever this is, if ever you need someone, I’m just here.

I’ll still be here.

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