2012 Taught Me…

Even though 2012 brought many problems and difficulties to each and every people of the World, including you who’s reading this (if there is) and including me, I know that there was one or two things you realized and learned from the mistakes you’ve done and from the unexpected things that had happened this year. I’m glad, thankful and blessed with what 2012 has given me. You know, there are many things that 2012 has taught me, esp. this three.

2012 Taught me…

How to be strongI admit, that there were times that I wanted to give up. And yes, I have problems (Who doesn’t?) and personal issues that only myself know , and I want to quit. I want to end it. I want my problems to be vanished.. But it’s not just a normal way of thinking how to escape into that big manhole of depression I was at. And instead of finding ways how to solve my problems, I end up thinking how to die. Yes, suicide. I thought of that many times. I thought that if I die, my problems will be gone and I don’t have to think of anything and anyone anymore, I don’t need to experience disappointments and rejections, and frustrations won’t come to me. But of course, all problems have solutions. You just need to find the best way to overcome the obstacles you’re experiencing. Just like I did. I don’t know how.. but it has a connection to THAT Man above. He never left me and he never will. ☺

How to accept failureYes, I’ve tried hard but didn’t succeed. I know, I know, it’s too early to say this and I’m too young to feel this. But I felt so many frustrations in the past few weeks, months and years. I failed to do what I actually planned, that’s why I prefer not to do some planning anymore because it will bring much disappointments if won’t happen, right? Soooo, yeah. I accepted it. That THAT THING, even though I tried hard, will never be mine. (yeah whatever that is I’m saying) I’m now letting Him lead me the way to my success.

How to endure pain and how to let go. I’ve been in love with the same guy for almost two and a half years since 2010, and take note: We’re friends. And that means, I was “friendzoned” before and experienced unrequited love a few times. It’s hard, I must say, but the feeling was good. I loved crying every night, thinking if he could see me like I do and if he could return the feelings I have for him. I liked every heartaches that I felt every time he says the name of the love of his life. I loved it, I liked it. I endured the pain. But there came a time that I gave up and told to myself that I don’t deserve to be like that and there’s so many things I need to give more attention to. So I managed to forget about the feelings, stop all of the illusions, and bear not to see him the way I used to even though we’re together almost every day. And, I succeed. I realized that we can really learn the process of moving on and letting go. 

Tbh, 2012 was awesome. Many good things happened in my life, some unexpected happenings came and sweet moments & memories were created. And I’m hoping for my new year (2013) to be much better.

And to you readers (if there is), who have always been here even though I seldom post something inspirational and with sense, who supported me by liking each and every posts that I made, and who stayed with me since my first time here in WordPress, I want to thank all of you before 2012 ends. And there’s a little advise I want to make…

If you want to give up, if you can’t accept failure, if you want to move on and let go, If you have problems, just keep faith. Don’t stop hoping. Be strong. You’ll get over it someday… just like I did.

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JBF. Again and Again.

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Just made a header yesterday night because I’m bored (and it says just be friends again, and again, and again. you know how obsessed I am to that song. I just really love it. Have you heard the song? Not yet? google it. Can’t find it? listen here *that’s the english version*) And back to what I was saying, I just want to do a make over and change my tumblr account’s theme and appearance but I got lazy again so I only changed the header. I want to change also my wordpress theme too but nah, never mind. Anyway, Mama went to somewhere and we don’t have food and we’re lazy to cook. Mehehe~

P.S.

JBF music box version was so relaxing *u*

 

Bokeeeeeh.

IMG_2027 IMG_2031 IMG_2013My first ever, Bokeh shots! OMO! I really, really, love it! Anyway, Advance Merry Christmas to all of you! God Bless and more blessings to come! Have a Happy New Year in Advance, too! :*

That Night in 8th of December

I didn’t really expected that something will happen to me that night. I actually planned to go to SM and see some books to read, but everything turned up side down, literally. My world turned upside down that night. It’s 6:10pm, the first highway accident of my life.

The last thing I remember, I bid good bye to my friend and started to walk. I was about to cross the wide highway, too. I’m on pedestrian, of course. And good thing, my friend has already left and didn’t saw me lying there, staring up the black sky and soon to lose my conscious. It’s weird, but I’m glad he already left.

And then, everything turned slow motion, just like in movies.

The next thing I knew, I was lying — lying on the wide highway, feeling numb and can’t hear anything. I started to tremble, thinking about my head. It’s the first one to hit the ground. I thought it was bleeding, but thank God it wasn’t. My vision was starting to go black too, but I needed to stay awake because I have no one to call for help. That’s what I thought. I’m afraid that the people around me might take my wallet and all my belongings while having no conscious. So I stayed awake, thinking random things.. just to know I’m still alive. I thought all of the names I know. I said it to myself… just to myself.

“God, Lord, Jesus Christ, help me.” I said. And I know he will.

I breathed in and out. Trying to move both my hands and my feet. I’m still lying on the ground. Afraid. Scared. Pitying myself. But none of them move. It’s like I’m in comma but hoping that I’m not. One girl approached me and asked me if I’m okay. I just nod.. though I know I’m not okay. Another girl went to me, she’s holding my eyeglass. I realized that I’m not wearing my glasses anymore. She gave me my glasses and I wore it, trying to sit down. But I can’t. So the first girl told someone to help me, and they all help me stand up. I cannot move my left foot. It hurts like hell. I thought it’s broken, but expecting that it’s not.

I was in shock. Poker face is the right term. My lips were aligned, my eyes were blinking, trying not to shed any tears. But I failed, I started to speak and bawled in front of them. “Call mommy please..” I said. And then, they carried me to the near Hospital.

One hour, I stayed there for one hour, silently crying and waiting for my relatives to come. The girl who brought me there was contacting someone. She stayed there with me until the daughter of the owner of the motorcycle who hit me came. I was silent. I did some multiplication tables, Addition, Subtraction, thinking names, events, and even the plots of the stories I read before the accident, I thought all of them. Just assuring myself that I don’t have amnesia or something. And I’m glad I don’t, only bruises and wounds, and a big lump on my head. I’m still lucky tho.. Coz I’m still alive and hopefully to kick soon. I still can’t move my left leg normally. ;)

My Daddy and my Sister came. I can’t paint their faces, they are worried that’s for sure. My daddy talked to the daughter of the culprit. And my sister was talking to me, she said that Mommy was worried sooo much. And I’m sure Mama will worry too if she knew. All of them were worried, my brother and my ate len came.

They did some X-rays to me. And I’m crying while they do that. My head hurts like hell and feeling cold. Someone injected me anti-tetanus, too. It aches.. like there’s a big ant in my two shoulders. The doctor said I can go home, and I’m glad. I don’t want to be admitted, and there’s no reason too.  We rode a taxi and went home. My daddy went to the precinct and talked to the one who did this to me. My niece and nephews are all shouting my name when I came home, they looked happy when they saw me. I smiled… They’re weird. But I’m happy… to know that they care for me and love me.

And because of that accident, I realize that I’m afraid to forget, and to be forgotten even though I thought of having an amnesia sometimes; I realize that I’m afraid of death, too. And I’m planning to live for as long as I can, for the people I love, and for myself as well.

A3112 – Saoirse Ronan FanArt *u*

saoirse ronanA digital drawing made by yours truly. :) Because I’m obsessed with Saoirse Ronan. *u* Adobe Photoshop cs5, and mouse were used.

On scratch.

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This is what I do when I’m bored everyday in office. loljk. Sorry for the eyes, I just don’t know how to draw even eyes. I always make the left one smaller than the right. lalala ♪ ♫

Dream Cast For Divergent.

Okay, so I am going crazy since I heard that they already found (or let me say that they already chose someone) to play the role of Tris for the “rumored” upcoming movie, Divergent in 2014.
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gal_brenton_thwaites_768-496x620They say that  Shailene Woodley was already chosen to play the role of Tris. But I just… can’t… even imagine it talaga! Sorry for the fans of Woodley, but I’m Bias with Ronan.

I want her to be Beatrice Prior. Please let it be her! Let it be her!!! Even though Tris has already been cast. But who knows? They might change their mind. Since the day I watched Hanna (her 2011 movie) I became a fan of her. I really adore her. The moves, the way she shoot the gun, the way she ran, the way her hair blew by the wind, the way she jumps! OMG. Let her be Tris, please?

But even though she’s not going to be Tris, It’s okay. I can do nothing, lol. But please let her be Tris, please?? :D

And for Tobias Eaton / Four, (omg, I sooo love his name! His personality, his sweetness,his toughness, all package!) I want Brenton Thwaites please!

He’s just perfect to be Four! He’s handsome, he’s tough-looking, he’s hair is nice, his eyes (just make them blue and put some contacts), and he’s perfect to be Four! He’s the one, really. And I am going really crazy about the casting! Teehee~

And now I imagine him as I read the book 2. He’s such a sweet guy! “You die, I die!” what a sweet line :3

Brenton all the way! Hands down, to you men!  I’ll be looking forward for 2014 to come just to watch the movie! They said the movie will be released on the 21st of March. ♥

Dear…. I don’t know who. :)

loveI don’t need any gifts for Christmas. I don’t want to receive expensive presents from you — neither imported chocolates nor diamond necklace. Being with you on that day will be more than enough for me. I hope Santa will see me posting this. lol.

Advance Merry Christmas folks! Feel Christ’s Love! ♥ :>

Wala na – Ako’y isang taong wala ng halaga sa buhay mo – Kaya hindi na mahalaga kung mawala man sila.

Hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit ganun na lang yung asta mo pag dating sa akin. Ano nga naman ba ako sa iyo, wala na ‘di ba? And take note, NA. Past tense. Dahil dati, alam kong isa ako sa mga pinahahalagahan mo. Pero ngayon? Ano na nga ba ako ngayon sa buhay mo? Wala na.

Wala na.

Dapat pala hindi na lang ako nagtanong. Mali kasi yung inaakala ko eh. Alam ko naman na mangyayari na yun, pero naglakas loob pa din akong tanungin sa iyo. Ayan tuloy…. pero ano pa bang aasahan? Mga basura lang naman yon eh, ‘di ba? Hindi naman sila mahalaga. Lalo na’t nanggaling yun sa isang taong nanakit sa iyo. Kanino? Kanino pa nga ba? Edi sa akinWala naman akong karapatan magalit. Sino ba naman ako?

Ako’y isang taong wala ng halaga sa buhay mo.

Alam ko naman na hindi mo ginustong maglaho yung mga ‘yon. Pero sana, hindi sumama yung mga memories na nandun sa pagkawala nila. Kahit yung memories na lang, huwag na yung feelings. Kasi alam ko matagal nang nawala yung nararamdaman mo sa akin bago ko pa nalaman na wala na lahat ng mga binigay ko sa iyo. Isa pa, bakit mo nga naman sila itatago, hindi naman yun importante. Isang sulat na mahaba na wala naman kuwenta ang nilalaman at isang cellchain na hugis bear na hindi naman bagay ilagay sa astigin mong cellphone lang naman yun. Kayang kaya mo naman makatanggap ng isa pang sulat na mas maganda at mas may sense mula sa babaeng mas magmamahal sa iyo, at kayang kaya mo namang bumili ng mas cute at mas mamahaling cellchain na pwede mong ipang-display sa cellphone mo eh. Ok lang naman sa akin na mawala sila, pero naniniwala ka bang ok lang talaga? Hmmm.. hangga’t naniniwala ka eh sige ok lang din sa akin.

Kaya hindi na mahalaga kung mawala man sila.

Hey, hindi naman ako bitter. Pero inaamin ko na nagsinungaling ako nung nalaman kong wala na sila sa mga kamay mo, o kaya sa aparador mo, o di kaya sa ilalim ng kama niyo kasama nung mga hindi niyo na napapakinabangan na gamit. Nasaktan ako, sa totoo lang. Pero this is life, ganito ang buhay eh.

Palagi kong naiisip na unfair talaga ang buhay, ikaw parang ang saya-saya mo na eh. Move on na daw sabi ng iba, eh bakit ako hold on pa? Samantalang ako naman yung may kasalanan kung bakit nagkaganito. Ha-ha-ha! Natatawa na lang ako sa sarili ko. Ilang taon na din kasi eh… Tapos para pa tayong timang na nagbabatian tuwing sasapit ang araw natin (dati, hindi ko alam kung hanggang ngayon pa ba oh ano). Ano pa bang purpose non? Minsan nga naiisip ko na sabihin sa iyo na itigil na natin ang kalokohang iyon eh. Alam mo ba kung bakit? Kasi mas lalo akong nahihirapan. Pero huwag kang mag-alala, wala naman akong balak na manggulo sa masaya mo ng buhay. Huwag mo akong intindihin, ganito lang talaga ako. Isa pa, sana hindi tayo pareho ng nararamdaman. Sapat na yung isa lang sa atin yung nahihirapan.

Ang lakas ng loob kong sabihin ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko dito samantalang naka-connect pa ito sa facebook at may chance na mabasa mo. Pero alam ko naman kasi na wala kang time para basahin ito kaya sige, ipu-publish ko. Isa pa, wala na akong pakialam kung mababasa mo ito o hindi. Sana lang hindi mo mabasa. Pero maniniwala ka ba sa akin na hinihiling ko yon? Ikaw na ang bahalang humusga.

Susubukan ko nang makalimot kahit na alam kong hindi kita malilimutan. Tatanggapin ko na lang yung katotohanang hindi nga talaga kayang maging magkaibigan ang mga dating… nagka-ibigan. Hindi kita masisisi kung isang araw hindi mo na ako kilala. Dahil wala na eh…

 Wala na. Hindi din ako magagalit. Sino ba naman kasi ako? Ako’y isang taong wala ng halaga sa buhay mo. Matagal ko nang alam yun at alam kong balang araw pati pangalan ko hindi mo na maaalala. Kaya hindi na mahalaga kung mawala man sila.

The Beauty of Angono Wawa.

I already blog about this yesterday in my tumblr account. But I also need these pictures here. I want to share to everybody how beautiful my favorite place is though typhoons and storms did many changes to the place. I remember when I was young, the whole family goes here to spend the afternoon — eating, chatting, and doing nothing but feel the wind and watch the orange sun set. I also remember going to “dulo”, running along with my childhood friends, playing “mataya-taya” but that part of wawa has now been covered with water and people can no longer walk and go there. This wonderful place also served as our meeting place of few of my friends. Dates and meetings were planned many years ago. Promises have been made, and to be honest, my first ever date happened here. I miss that. But enough of the memories. The place changed a lot and so we are.

It feels different to go there when you know there is no Bhez Irene to be found in her home. I miss her already :( :)

DSC01169     Instead of doing what I need to do yesterday, I asked my sister if we can go to wawa because I missed that place so much. An yep, I forgot to blog about the Fiesta last November 23, 2012. Look at the flags! It says “Viva San Clemente! Keep moving!” We celebrates the feast of Pope St. Clement I. We do march, processions, and parades. There are bands, parehadoras and Higantes as where the Angono has been known. But moving on and on, I don’t have decent pictures to post here so I decided not to blog about the fiesta. Yes, ganun ako kaarte xD

DSC01175 DSC01177 This is the part that I told you (above) where I ran, bike and took a walk when I was still young. But now, look at that. There are waters all over.

DSC01243But wait, it made the whole surroundings shine like there are diamonds under. Whoot.

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DSC01203Went up to the tower with my sister and her friend. We ate merienda, talked nonsense convo, sang emo songs (it was only me singing), and stayed for 2 hours doing nothing. Eh wait, we did some shoot pala.DSC01219Emo din ang peg nung bata. Haha.

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DSC01233DSC01238Tried to do some silhouette photos but faileddddd. <////3

DSC01253The mermaids, This is my favorite shot actually. I feel like a professional photographer with a broken digital camera after I saw the picture. Yay to the sunlight and to the rocks! It looks beautiful to my eyes. *u* Oh I didn’t notice the bird over there. Haha!

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Some random kids.

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DSC01307 Went down to take a walk. Parang nasa sea side lang kami! hahaha. Ang ganda ng mga alon, kung pwede nga lang ipatangay lahay ng nararamdaman ko eh ginawa ko na. Kaso, hindi ko nga mailabas eh. Maipatangay ko pa kaya? lol drama.

DSC01322That moment when I imagined that I’m in China after seeing this picture! Haha! Say hi to the “Higantes Festival” banner over there! And to that kid, who’s hiding from someone, I guess? *u*

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Anyway, I just want to show you something. Below is the before and after picture of this part. Just look.

182914_201917846489915_5008618_n-tileHow sad, right? Look at the picture on the left side. And then look at the picture on the right. The current is on the right, and the left picture was taken years ago. And as I said, the place changed a lot. Though if you look it closely, the children are still happy. :)

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I wanted to jump to the water and go swimming. But engghk, the water is dirtyyyy~

DSC01340  Found a lily on the way home! It’s… beautiful.

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Even though my favorite place have changed so much and turned into some place I never imagined, I still feel happy and relaxed whenever I go here. Places and people are changing… but never my memories will.