I said I’ll stop see him more than as a friend starting last week. But after all what had happened today, I realized that I can’t ignore my feelings for him.
I know, (and I will tell this again for the nth time, ) that we CAN NEVER be more than friends and our relationship will never be as I wanted to be. But I really can’t resist the feeling that keeps on bugging me every time, (especially) that he’s beside me, he looks at me, and smiles at me.
You see, the feeling that I feel every time he looks at me seems like there’s something inside my heart that wants to escape — to burst. It’s a mixture of HAPPINESS and PAIN.
There’s this thought that says .. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling now. What important is, you’re FRIENDS and having the chance to be close to him is good enough even if it hurts you.
I sometimes agree to that. But as I’ve said a while ago, after all what happened today, I am falling for him more deeply…
I don’t want to assume nor to hope, (but still hoping) but I can feel that there’s something behind that looks he’s giving to me. (I, really am an assuming person -__-).
Ookaaaay, I’ll tell you the story behind this “drama”.
I am very happy today, yes It’s not obvious. Coz I’m with my friends a while ago. INCLUDING HIM. We had our best and loudest laugh at the mall. We eat together and said nonsense topics. I often look at him because I feel awkward. (ehem, he’s in front of me while eating! I am out f concentration that time. I keep on looking left to right but not in front! Awkwardnesss! >.<) He also noticed that my eyeglass was broke and Ate Seth started to smile meaningful. Is he
looking staring at me? No. I think no.
He’s just a good observant I think.
Oh well, I also like his outfit for today. Wearing a black t-shirt and slacks made him more “manly” look! I also like his hair having a slight color brown high lights and I love his natural brown-black eyes when there’s no contact lens when looking at me. I really am attracted to him.
So, back to the drama, I WISH that this feeling won’t last long. I want to be close to him not having this kind of feeling every time when he’s around. It’s hard you know. Pretending that you are OKAY to be friends with someone you LIKE kills you! Yeah it kills me. But still happy. Ugh, VAIN!
This topic is vain. <//3