Untitled Drawing #1

rima

Ballpoint on paper with black & white filter

Buti Sana Kung…

Habang naglalakad pauwi,
Tinanong nila ako isang beses.
Mukhang alam ko na, aking naisip.
“nakamove on ka na ba bes?”
“Kumusta naman ang puso mo?
Hindi na ba dumudugo?”

Ngumiti na lang ako bilang sagot
Hindi umimik sa kanilang tanong.
Hindi naman sila maniniwala kung sasabihin kong oo.

Oo.
Malayo na ang naihakbang ko
kaya ko nang lumingon nang hindi napapaitan
sa lasa ng iyong pekeng pagmamahal

Oo.
Naghilom na ang mga hiwa sa puso.
Kahit na puro plaster at tahi
kahit na nabugbog sa iyong binigay na sakit.

Oo.
Hindi na kita naiisip.
Pero minsan iniisip kita.
Inaalala ko kung gaano ako nagpakatanga.
Para sa susunod, hindi na mauulit.

Oo.
Hindi na nalulumbay tuwing gabi.
Sa mga oras na wala akong makasamang magkape.

Oo.
Hindi na.

Oo.
Hindi.

Ano pang dahilan para manatili?
Rason para ‘di umusad?
Para patuloy na magdugo ang kalooblooban?

Buti sana kung guwapo ka.
Buti kung mayaman.
Buti kung maganda ngiti mo.
Pati mga mata mo.

Buti sana kung tinanggap ako ng pamilya mo.
Noong panahong iniisip kong tayo na hanggang dulo.
Buti kung kinausap ako ng kapatid mo.
Tanda mo?
Buti sana kung kinausap mo ako
at dinamayan
noong panahong kailangan ko ng “someone”.

Buti sana kung pinahalagahan mo
ang mga bagay, pangyayari, mga luha
mga tawa at masasayang ala-ala
na naibigay ko sa’yo.

Buti sana kung marami kang naiambag
sa pagunlad ko bilang kaibigan
Bilang mamamayan.
Bilang babae.
Bilang tao.

Buti na lang ano?
Buti na lang hindi ako pihikan sa pagmamahal.
At ikaw ang napili ng puso kong bulag.
Sabagay, bulag nga eh.
Kaya hindi niya nakita sa umpisa pa lang…
Ako’y sasaktan mo lang.

Pero alam mo,
kung ginawa mo lang ang kaisa-isang “kung”
May dahilan sana ako para manatili.
May rason para ‘di umusad,
Para patuloy kang mahalin kahit mahirap.

Pero hindi eh.

Buti sana kung minahal mo ako ng totoo.

Pinilit… pinipilit (Isang tula na dahil sa’yo, hindi para sa’yo)

Di ko na mabilang —
Siguro’y sinadya na ring kalimutan
— ang mga araw na nagdaan
Na wala ka sa isipan
At sa aking tabi,
Tuwing gabi,
Tuwing naiinip,
At naghahanap ng sasagip
Sa aking sarili.

Ngunit sa bawat araw
At bawat sandali
Na ninais kong ilimbag
At isulat sa papel
Ang damdamin kong nagliliyab
Upang maibsan ang bigat
ay nasisilip ka sa mga letra
Mga salita, mga talata
Na dati’y iyong tinitirhan
Ngunit iyong nilisan.
Awtomatik na lumalabo’t
Nawawalang saysay
Ang mga paningin
at mga kamay
Na pawang ‘di na alam
kung anong silbi nila sa katawan.

Isang beses rin nakita ko,
Hindi sinasadya ito,
Ang mga lumang litrato mo
(Natin, dahil kasama ako)
na nasa loob na ng sobreng
mukhang mas bago pa
Kaysa sa nalimot mong pangako.
Doon napagmasdan ko
(Doon lamang, tunay na nakalulungkot)
Sa larawan na may ngiti mo
— ngiti ng iyong mga labi,
Mga mata at puso —
Kung paanong ang isang tao’y
Maaaring maging maligaya’t
makaramdam ng pagmamahal
Ng walang katapusan.

Lumipas ang buwan;
Ang mga oras ay humaba.
Lumalim, lumamig
Lalong ‘di alintana
Ang mga itinagong sakit,
Mga tinakpang butas
Gamit lamang ang pagtawa.
Nakangiti akong lumabas,
Magiliw na naglakad,
Halos kawayan ang lahat,
Upang ipakitang wala nang sugat
Wala ring peklat
Na dulot ng iyong pang iiwan.

Kaso, palaging may kaso.
Dahil nakadaumpalad ko
ang isa sa kakilala mo.
Muli ka niyang hinanap
Tinanong at kinamusta.
Ngumiti ako ng masigla
Inakalang ayos na
Kaya ko na
Nalimot ko na.
Ngunit ako na nama’y nawala
Naubusan ng sasabihin
At mga dahilan
Sa hindi ko sinasadyang
pag-babalik tanaw
Sa sinubukan
At pinilit
na binura kong ala-ala.

 

“Kinakarir”

Hi guys! How are you? I hope you’re doing great! If you’re going to ask me, I’m fine. I just celebrated my 22nd birthday last 10th of July! Wasn’t able to post some pics tho. I only had a nice dinner with my family. My eldest brother cooked for me. :)

Going through, I’m kinda loaded but still can find extra time to do and discover things I love. I just finished editing the annual book of our school in 2014. There were some mistakes in the layout and printing so a hundred of printouts has returned to us for editing. Glad that the soft copy of it was found and sent to us so we didn’t have to start from the scratch!

By the way, I am just here to share to you some of my works I’ve made in the past week. As I told you in one of my post, we are learning about how to vector in our CAD subject. This kind of art really amuses me to the point that I’m getting addicted to it. Lol. It started when our Instructor told us to create our self portrait vector. At first, I really didn’t know how to do it. I was really confused because you have to create soooo many shapes and lines and some of them are overlapping! It is literally such a pain in the eyes.

As much as I wanted to post and also include here the process on how I did it, I couldn’t. I forgot to do some print screen of it step by step. So instead, I’m just going to share to you three of the vector portrait I’ve made!

rijmassHere is the first. Since it’s my first time, you can see that it’s not that super smooth and there are parts of my work that are edgy. Hihi. It took me so long to figure out how to layer it. I  mean, the shapes. It’s hard to explain. Haha. I also ran out of time so I just fill some spaces with colors.12805707_808853429219366_1044642482639453513_nThis is the second I made. Say hi to my sister! Actually, I wanted to do another one for myself because I was not satisfied with the first. But being a (weird) artist, I really couldn’t draw (or create) my self! So I decided to vector my sister’s face instead of mine. This time, I studied my subject and took a long time figuring out what to layer first. Heehee. I suggest, (and our instructor suggests too), it’s much better if you do the base first. For example, my base for this piece is the second color after the highlight.

TabaMy third work. Guess who? Yes, it’s my brother! I’m really planning to do our family picture. HAHAHA just kidding. I experimented some colors here, and searched on the net. I posted these two (my sister’s and brother’s) on fb and many people reacted. Hehe. If you want me to make a vector of you too, just contact me thru facebook!

So what do you think about the newly learned kind of art? :)

Lines and Fills

Holah! How are you Worpy friends? If you’ll gonna ask me, I would say that I’m doing good. I’m just busy researching and thinking about a concept for our thesis! Yep, thesis! We’re in our last year already and next year would be our graduation! Hooooray! I just hope we all survive this year.

Anyway, we’re currently doing something for our CAD subject and that is tracing / converting into polygons some iconic people, local or international. Of course, I chose Ms. Saoirse Ronan (again) to be my subject. Photo credits to Google.

Here is my reference:

CauVKz2WIAA86ha

Well, uhm, this is my first time doing this kind of “art”. A lot of patience will be needed because you’re going to do some detailing later on. Oh and by the way, you can call this kind of art as “Vector Portrait”. You can see so many Vector arts in the internet and this is only one of the ways you can vector some pictures. I used Corel Draw x7 here, A4 size, 300 resolution.

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toolSo first, you have to drag the picture that you’re going to trace inside the working area. Be sure to place it at the center or if you want, click the picture and press the letter P on the keyboard. It will automatically be placed at the center. Only the objects inside the working area will be included if you’re going to export it as .PDF. But if you’re gonna export the file in .PNG, you’ll have to erase all the extra objects outside the working area because it will be included in exportation. Get it? I hope so. Hehe.

After dragging the picture inside, you have to lock it to not move. Draw some lines (like the pic above) but make sure all the lines are perfectly connected for the filling later. Use the 2-point line tool for making lines. See the pic at the right to where to find the 2-point line tool.

When you finished lining all the parts, it’s time for filling!

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Find the smart fill tool and start filling all the spaces. Choose a color that suits your taste. After filling all of them, you have to select all the objects and unfill all of it by clicking at the lower right part of the tab. Click the fill color and choose no fill like this:

unfill

As you can see at the pic below, the fill color is empty. Now, select the Color eyedropper tool and you can select color at the picture, and the cursor will be automatically become the Smart Fill tool again and fill every spaces. To select another color for another space, hold SHIFT key.

Untitled

After filling every shapes, select all the object by highlighting them and click the outline color at the lower right part of the the tab, right after the Smart fill color, and select None. so it will look like this:

13509011_1330840643597624_8605831940527232937_n

You need to be OC in doing this so that you can avoid mistakes. The only problem that you will face in making this kind of Art is when the lines are not closed. Imagine that, you need to find two lines that aren’t connected among many lines! Such a pain in the eyes.

Anyways, It’s up to you if you will fill the background too. But for me, it’s a necessary to make it look good.

You can group all the objects by selecting all of them – right click – select Group objects, then set aside it by putting it outside the working area. I also did all the steps for the background —  Lines. Fill. Unfill. Fill again.
1

So here’s the finish product!
Ronan - updated

I’m happy with the result tho there are some part of the artwork that needs to be edited. Heehee. But for now, I’ll just leave it like that. I don’t know if I explained the process properly but you can explore Corel Draw more and learn something from it! There are many tutorials in Youtube too.

So, that’s all for today. Have a happy Sunday! ☺

Isang tula, dalawang kataga: “Kailangan kita”

“kailangan kita,” sabi mo.
Tinignan ka niya sa mga mata,
Hinawakan ang iyong mga palad
At sinabing “nandito lang ako.”
Sinalo niya ang iyong mga luha
Habang pasan rin ang iyong dinadala.
Sinabayan ka niya sa iyong paglalakad

– Hindi ka niya hinayaang mag-isa.

Pagkaraan ng mga araw,
Naging matatag ka.
Kaya mo na ang iyong sarili,
Kaya mo nang wala siya.
‘di nagtagal, ikaw ay kaniyang tinanong,
“ayos ka na ba?”
At ngumiti ka bilang sagot.
Simulo noon ay alam na niya

– Hindi mo na siya kailangan.

 

“kailangan kita,” sabi niya isang araw.
Tinignan ka niya sa iyong mga mata,
Ngunit tinitigan mo lang siya.
Ang kanyang mga palad,
naghihintay ng may hahawak.
Umaasa siyang sasaluhin mo rin
Ang kaniyang mga luhang
bumabagsak.

Ngunit wala ka.
Hindi mo siya sinamahan,
Hindi mo siya sinabayan
Sa paglangoy sa lawa
ng mabibigat na problema.

Mag-isa siyang sumuong.
Mag-isang sumuko.
Gusto niyang kayanin, ngunit
hindi nangyari

– naubos ang kaniyang lakas
dahil ibinigay niya lahat sa’yo.

Paalala.

May mga tao talagang darating sa buhay mo na mamahalin ka at mamahalin mo rin. Ibibigay mo ang lahat, gagawin mo ang lahat, isasakripisyo mo ang lahat para sa kanya at sa huli, iiwanan ka niya na parang walang nangyari. Malalaman mong hindi ka niya minahal ng totoo at masasaktan ka. Iiyak ka araw-araw, gabi-gabi, at bawat oras na maaalala mo siya at ang masasayang sandali ninyong magkasama. Mabubuhay ka na puno ng katanungan. Maiisip mo kung saan ka nagkulang, kung hindi ba sapat ang nagawa mo, o kung may mali ka bang nagawa dahil bigla na lang nagkagano’n. Lilipas pa ang araw at makikita mo siyang masaya na. Magtatanong ka uli ng mga bakit. Paano. Kailan. Iiyak ka uli. Masasaktan ka uli. Pero mapagtatanto mo na hindi tama na manatili kang gano’n. Gigising ka na may planong bumangon muli. Hindi dahil sa naaawa ka na sa sarili mong nakalugmok lang sa semento, kundi dahil alam mong hindi iyon ang nararapat para sa’yo. Makikita mo ang kahalagahan mo sa tulong ng mga tao sa paligid mo. Maiisip mong hindi lang pala sa kanya dapat umikot ang mundo mo. Maiisip mong maaari ka uli na sumaya kung hahayaan mong pumasok ang kasiyahan sa’yo. Tatayo ka, unti-unti. Minsan papasok siya sa memorya mo at masasaktan ka ulit, ngunit mangingibabaw na ang positibong pananaw. Hindi ka na maaapektuhan ng kanyang pagkawala. Hindi ka na maiiyak sa magagandang ala-ala ninyong dalawa na hindi na mauulit. Kundi, ngingiti ka na sa pag-alala ng masasakit na pangyayaring dinulot niya sa’yo at ipinadama. Dahil kung hindi sa mga iyon, ay hindi mo maiisip na mahalaga ka pala. Na kaya mo palang mag-isa. Na malakas ka kasi hanggang ngayon ay nakakangiti ka kahit na minsan gusto mo na lang umiyak. Matututunan mong mahalin ang sarili mo at maiisip mo na iyon muna ang dapat mong matutunan bago ka magmahal ng iba.

May mga tao talagang darating sa buhay mo na mamahalin ka at mamahalin mo rin. Pero mali. Ngunit ang pagkakamali na iyon ay magdudulot ng maganda sa iyong sarili. Lalakas ka. Tatapang ka. Ihuhulma ka. At ituturo ka, sa tamang panahon, sa taong magbibigay at magpapadama sa’yo ng totoong kaligayahan.

You can let go now, Daddy

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You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Oh, I think I’m ready
To do this on my own
It’s still a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I’ll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go~

I remembered you by looking at this. It’s like I’m still waiting for you to come and take a rest on here even though I know it’s not gonna happen anymore.

But daddy, I know you’re resting there… in a safer place than this rocking chair.

Faith. Hope. Love.

April 2016 has been the most painful month for me. And it was like a whole month of jokes, hoping one day — or at least on its last day — I will wake up and realize that all of what happened was only a dream. But it wasn’t.

I want to claim and declare that it is the most painful month because I do not want to experience it again in the future. Now I know why other people say that they are afraid to be happy, for one day, it will be replaced by pain, and not just sadness.

Actually, there are two kinds of pain that I have felt (and still feeling, I guess): The pain with sadness, and the pain with grudge.

As much as possible, I am trying to put away the latter. I don’t want to hold a grudge over someone because I know, in time, I will be the one who will suffer for doing so.

But here’s the thing why I am writing this: I have lost two men in my life.

One was the man who loved me and didn’t forget to remind me how valuable I am, but I was not able to show how I love him and appreciate all of the things he did for me; and one was the man who I loved deeply and gave so much time, but was not able to treasure my worth.

I am really sad that I only realized their difference when they’re both gone in my life, physically and mentally —  Physically, because daddy’s body is now gone, but his memories and presence will always stay in our hearts. Mentally, because N’s still there, somewhere, doing his things, not remembering me and all the things we’ve shared together… but his presence is now absent.

Did you now get what I mean?

There are no nights that I wanted to cry but couldn’t because I feel so empty… like there are so many pieces of myself that are missing and my heart and emotions are dead and numb. Though I miss daddy (I know mommy misses him so much too and we are all missing him so much), but when I look at his picture it’s like he’s still here. Sighs. And I still miss and think of N, but they say I shouldn’t because he’s not worthy of my time and emotions anymore. Sighs again.

Now it’s funny how I think that I am truly strong, because I have endured the pain and bear all the heartaches of losing people. The worse part of that was, I (almost) lost my self too because of that. Lucky, I didn’t.

As I have said in one of my post in my Tumblog,

“One of the saddest things that’s ever gonna happen to you, is to lose yourself along the way while searching for someone.”

We must all bear in our minds that nobody will ever gonna make you whole and complete except for yourself. I think people can only help you, but not gonna make you.

I’m now wishing and praying for acceptance, forgiveness, and motivation to trust people again. As a daily reminder, I keep on reading the phrase that I have written as a note to self, a year ago.

“I want you to be strong enough to move on, and to open your heart for another love.”

But as much as possible… be strong enough to accept and forgive, and to open your heart for trusting people again. 

 

 

Summer escapade!

IMG_2973Today is Good Friday, but wala pa namang 3pm, so I will blog first. Hello, Summer na! (tho we still have so many things to do for school requirements, but let us set aside that first). Hehehe. How are you, worpy? It’s been a while, again. Sorry for not updating, I am always busy. But now that I have updated my blog’s appearance, excitement kicked in! I just love the header and the simplicity of the theme (i’m surprised how this website improved in terms of many ways), but anyways, let me start the story.

Last Monday, March 21, our company where we are having our on the job training invited us for their outing. We were originally 18 trainees, but only 8 were luckily allowed by their parents to go for a 3-day outing in Zambales. IMG_2881IMG_2898Boarded by an L300 Van, my classmates and I had a long trip (for about 7 hours) from Rizal to Zambales. Our vans (2 l300 and 2 family van) left Taytay at 4am and we reached Zambales at around 11 in the morning. We waited for about 2 hours before going to Bacala Guest House and had lunch at my boss’ wife’s cousin’s house. To be honest, we didn’t have any idea where we are going that time. My classmates and I thought that we were only going to swim to the nearby beach na may mga aplaya pa nga. HahahaIMG_2901It was my first time to ride on a boat that will cross the sea to go to an island. I was so nervous, hahaha how nerveless I was that time.IMG_2911l-r, b-f. Runa, Paul, Jerome, Steve, Gracia, Nica, Kuya Jhen and Me.IMG_2922It feels so good especially that the waves are strong enough to touch the tip our toes while the boat smoothly traversing the blue salt-water.

IMG_2990
credits to Paul for this picture

After 10 minutes or so, we arrived at the admirable Bacala Guest House of Masinloc, Zambales.IMG_2927IMG_2950IMG_2958It was an isolated Island. You are literally surrounded by the salt-water, there’s even no bathroom! Now we know how it feels to be castaway survivors. Hahaha! I won’t forget that here in this place, I lost the ring my mother gave me while… uhm, basta. I can’t tell. It’s too embarassing. Hahaha. Huhu. IMG_2961It was my first time too to see a sea urchin this close. I was scared because it was moving!IMG_3083And the starfish with es were so big! We got the chance to take some for photography  purposes only. They were scattered everywhere!IMG_2970and of course, I saw a crab! I was so happy because it was so little. And it has eggs too but unfortunately, it died. :(IMG_2964IMG_3048When in the beach and you’re with friends, of course you will have this kind of moments. Hehehe. Even tho we’re not complete, I think we enjoyed staying here :)IMG_3002But uhm, I’m kind of jealous with this couple. Hahaha They made me wish Nega was there too. </3IMG_3008Me and Runa! Hi, Anne Bernadette we’re going to kill you with jealousy. Haha jk. Wish you were there too (and holding a Patrick)!

We slept there and we’re in a tent inside the house! Hehe. I don’t have pictures but it was… okay.  The next day, we went back to the house of my boss’ wife’s cousin and got ready for the next adventure!IMG_3196IMG_3219IMG_3223IMG_3200After an hour of waitiiing~ it’s beach time! It was my second to go on a beach! Hehehe. The last was with my family in Batangas. And yes, I’ve waited for sunset. AGAIN.IMG_3206Since he’s not there with me, the sand became the proxy. Heehee.

IMG_3260Anyways, I also had the chance to go coral viewing! (not totally snorkeling cause we only had goggles hahaha) but it was an awesome experience! Kahit nagkanda sugat sugat ako. HeeheeIMG_3256Oh, hi there Gracia. We were the only two who went for coral viewing. :3IMG_3269And my most awaited part of the day! Tenenenentenen! Sunset. I only took few shots because we’re in a boat and was afraid to lose balance (and drop my camera), but it was breathtaking! This pic was my favorite. ♥

I was glad that I got the chance to experience once again the salt-water “therapy”. It’s true that when you have so many things that are going on your mind, you need to pray first of course, and meditate to let the bad thoughts out. Glad I did. Or maybe the Lord don’t want me to worry so much about some matter that I left at home and He actually took away all the negative thoughts thru the sea. Hay. He’s really there with me.