Siya, ang aking kailangan.

Siya na palaging nandiyan para magpasaya noong panahon na hindi ko alam kung paano ngumiti.

Siya na hindi ako binitawan kahit na hindi ko hiniling na ako’y kanyang kapitan.

Siya na nagbigay pag-asa noong mga oras na alam kong hindi ko na kaya.

Siya na naging sandalan ko at tumulong sa’kin na tumayo muli, ng mas tuwid, sa aking pagkakadapa.

Siya na patuloy na nagbibigay sa akin ng lakas, tuwing naiisip ko na ang pagsuko na lang ang tanging kong magagawa dahil sobrang hirap na ng sitwasyon.

Siya na nagturo sa akin na maging positibo, kahit na ang mga pangyayari’y parang wala nang kahahantungan na mabuti.

Siya na nagsasabing hindi niya ako iiwan o pababayaan kahit kailan.

Siya na mahal na mahal, hindi lang ako, kundi lahat tayo — at naghihintay lamang na mahalin nati siya.

Siya, ang Panginoon at kataastaasan na hindi napapagod na magbigay, magpatawad, mahalin at tanggapin tayo ng buong puso kahit na minsan ay nakakalimutan at itinatanggi natin Siya sa harap ng maraming tao.

Siya lang ang kailanganin mo at ibibigay niya ang lahat ng nakabubuti sa’yo.

some things i want to do with you, r.m.

I think it would be nice if I wake up beside you on a bed on a rainy morning, covered by a blanket, talking, cuddling, kissing, making love, and we will stay like that until you say that we need to get up. And when afternoon comes, we will cook something to eat but we won’t just focus on eating but also staring at each other at the dining table the whole time, smiling, holding hands, absorbing each other’s love. At 7pm, we won’t bother to take some dinner coz we’re still full from our afternoon brunch, and we will just watch some random movies you’ll pick from the cd racks. We will stay awake until dawn, laughing out loud because of the corny jokes I am saying to you. And then I will sleep in your arms, will hug you so tight, will hope and pray that this kind of love would never end. And it would never ever end.

I think that would be not just nice, but wonderful.

– some things i want to do with you, r.m.

August Update!

August have been pretty good to me, I can say.  There came so many activities (and legal holidays) that suspended the classes for almost one week, and it was fun to stay at home during those days. But now that August is about to end, and I seemed to forgot to update this blog, I am here to tell you a story (whut) on what happened to my August in pictures!

august 2

Augsut 2, 2014. Dong-A hosted a doodle competition in SM Taytay. Since it’s Saturday, and some of my classmates were joining, I also went to watch them compete. But a sudden change of plan was made, and I also became one of the participants in the said event. I don’t know if luck was with me or it was just my day that I belong to the people who won! Yay ‘di ba. Ang saya saya. Tas kasama pa siya. Mas masaya!

august 8

August 8, 2014. It was intramural’s week, though we’re still required to attend classes. My close friend Rona, joined the volleyball team of our department, and as a friend, I did my best to support and cheer for her! lol. She got included to the mythical six! Hooray. And hooray for the CAL’s students for being the champion again.

august 12

August 12, 2014.  I went to my favorite place with B because the next [day[ is our day. We talked about some things, mostly nonsense stuff, and ate isaw isaw. My favorite part was we went to “dulo” and watched the sun set. I always feel happy when I’m with him, even though most of the time, there’s a total silence between us when we’re together. Pero hindi naman awkward, in fact I love it. I only need him beside me, yun lang naman.

We went to plaza after, then continued talking. It was also the day that I saw him cry for the first time (for some topic that I insisted) and it hurts me too, seeing him cry.

10649508_900523989962627_7515953761694322608_nAugust 19, 2014. The Campus Ministry in school (the Soul Surfers) hosted a feeding program. I’m not really an officially member of the group but since it’s my dream to be a part of a feeding program, I asked my boyfriend if I could come along with them and he said yes so I brought some classmates too! It was really a good and happy experience, feeding the children and sharing them the Word of God. ♥

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August 23, 2014. I had a date with these two ladies! (that’s me in the middle). We haven’t bond for months because of our busy schedules, but nothing can stop our wants to be with each other so yeah. Haha. We went to boulevard in San Juan (again) and ate fishballs and laughed at things and took some pictures and laughed again bc of the pictures. I just love laughing with them so much. ♥

august 25August 25, 2014. Monday morning, I woke up feeling itchy and some part of my body were swollen. Allergy sucks, big time! So I sent a message to mommy telling her to bring me to the hospital as soon as she wake up. The doctor injected me some anti allergy directly to my hand’s vein and I swear it hurts soooo much that I cried after! I stayed in the emergency room (bc that’s the only available room for walk in patients) for almost half an hour. I wanted to sleep but I don’t want to sleep there so I insisted mommy to go home instead. After two hours, my swollen face and hands came back to normal but I still feel itchy.

But thank God I am okay now.

august 28

August 28, 2014. I feel down for almost three days bc I am missing him. He’s too busy that we couldn’t even say hi to each other at school. lels. Two days before, he borrowed my flash drive to get his homework that was in my laptop for days, then returned it to me on the 28th. He told me to open a particular folder, and look for something inside.

I found a typed letter from him.

Space and Time

1 meter. The space between you and me.

You pulled me in the water, closer to you. The butterflies in my stomach were present once again. You then wrapped your arms around my waist, and made me locked my arms around your neck.

1 inch. The distance of our parted lips.

You smiled. You looked me in the eyes. You said I love you. Then smile again. I already knew what you were thinking and so I let myself descend under the water with you.

1 second. The time when your lips and mine collide.

You don’t waste a chance. You quickly grabbed my face and kissed my lips without hesitation. It was just only for a second. But for me it was a lifetime to remember.

At three in the morning:

But why? she asked. You just look at her with those kind of stare that she’s afraid to see. Those pity stares that you’ve been hiding for all those times that you two are together.

I can’t bear this anymore, you answered. She then breakdown and cry on the floor, thinking what could’ve been wrong that you decided to be on your own now, to need space, and to live your life without her.

But why, she really don’t understand why. Why you’re leaving her. What’s the reason of falling out of love with her. Why, of all person, you’re the one who got tired of her being weak, fragile, and sensitive. She expected that you’ll understand her attitude over things because you said you would, and that you won’t ever look at her like she’s the pittiest girl that you’ve met because she thinks you don’t want her to feel less confident about herself. But now, why. Why are you doing this to her?

You sighed, I’m tired. Too tired to look after you, to handle your problems, to just being with you, but you didn’t know that she’s tired also. Too tired that she can’t even stand up by herself. And now she understands. What you felt was not love.

It’s just pity.

 

image

Sunset is one of the most beautiful scene that I really love to see. It feels good, especially when you’re sharing the moment with the one you love. I always go to my favorite place everytime I feel so down and stress. And yes, it helps me remove the sadness and emptiness I feel when I am seeing the sunset. It’s like when the sun is setting, it is taking the loneliness that you’re feeling too.

It was my first love and it always will be.

I hope it could be you

I hope it could be you. The one to whom I wake up my every mornings with. Share morning breathes and smiles, and fill every coffee mugs on the kitchen table is the first thing I want to do with you in the morning. You’ll hug me from behind and whisper something to my ears. Your warm breathe will tickle me. And it will feel so good.

I hope it could be you. The one who will drive me to the grocery store. We’ll buy foods and other things that we don’t need because we just feel like buying it. We’ll run like we’re still kids chasing each other. And we’ll do it every Sunday or every day or every time that we have time.

I hope it could be you. The one whom I will have problems with. We’ll argue, we’ll need space, but then in the end, we’ll fix it and we will love each other more. You’ll ask me why’s and how’s and then we’ll say something, then you’ll hug me and then we will feel fine after. You will be one of the people to motivate me, give me strength, and hope in every challenge I/we will face. 

I hope it could be you. The one who will sing every love songs in your playlist. You’ll sing for me before we sleep, after we wake up, on the road, while doing the laundry, while walking hand in hand, and every time we’re together.

I hope it could be you. The one who will never leave me forever. The one who will stay by my side through ups and downs of my life. The one who will be my dreaming partner, prayer partner, and partner in everything that needs a partner.

I hope it could be you. The one who I will share my I love you’s — every morning, every night, every time we’re apart, and every moment when we have the chance to say it and prove it.

I hope it could be you. I wish it could be you. And I pray it could be you.

Does she still mean something to you?

She have waited for your call the whole day. She kept on looking at her cellphone to check if you have a message for her, asking what she’s doing and how she’s feeling. She hoped for your visit and she thought that you might come to her house because you misses her too. But there were only false hopes. Nothing was on her phone, the inbox was still empty, still longing for your simple greeting; and no one knocked at the door, it only proved that you didn’t came.

She kept herself busy. She kept on thinking that maybe you’re just so busy too that’s why you couldn’t even say ‘hi’ on your free time. She did all the chores, she washed the dishes, she watched all the movies on the cd rack but she still thought of you. She couldn’t helped it. Every breathe that she took, even the slightest move of her fingers… was reminding her of you.

When the night came, she ate dinner alone, watched another random film alone, and went to her bed alone. She cried because of loneliness. She cried because she misses you so much. She cried… because she still don’t know what happened to you and her. And she cried, because she thinks that she means nothing to you now.

Does she still mean something to you?